I don't think there is a standard way of doing this in IE that is analogous to FF RDF's
<em:updatelink>
or Chrome manifest's
"update_url":
I would suggest that you poll your web server from the BHO periodically (monthly?). If you find a new version of your BHO, download it and ask the user to install it. Bear in mind that an updated BHO is a different program and should have a different GUID, meaning that your registration of the new BHO needs to remove the previous, and now useless, BHO.