There are a few 3rd party libraries that don't have to be configured using a fixed node list. The two that I am familiar with are redgrid and erlang-redis_sd_epmd, there are probably others, but i'm just not familiar with them.
Both of these do have an external dependancy on redis which may or may not be desirable depending on what you decide is needed.
redgrid is the simpler implementation, but doesn't have a ton of features. Basically the erlang nodes connect to redis, and all erlang nodes connected to redis then establish connections to each other. You can associate meta-data with a node and retrieve it on another node.
erlang-redis_sd_epmd is a bit more complex, but allows a lot more configuration. For example instead of just automatically connecting all nodes, a node can publish services that it can perform, and a connecting node can look up nodes based on the services provided.