well let me answer my question, basically use "lostpassword_post" to validate the username or password before reset post is sent and then if error, redirect.
add_action('lostpassword_post', 'validate_reset', 99, 3);
function validate_reset(){
if(isset($_POST['user_login']) && !empty($_POST['user_login'])){
$email_address = $_POST['user_login'];
if(filter_var( $email_address, FILTER_VALIDATE_EMAIL )){
if(!email_exists( $email_address )){
wp_redirect( 'register/?userexist=false' );
exit;
}
}else{
$username = $_POST['user_login'];
if ( !username_exists( $username ) ){
wp_redirect( 'register/?userexist=false' );
exit;
}
}
}else{
wp_redirect( 'register/?lostempty=true' );
exit;
}
}