In the end I had to get creative. I placed my report header data on the report body. Underneath that I put the items that should be on the page header. I also copied those on the actual page header but set the header so it wouldn't show up on the first page. This works well for simple static text although it'd need more work if the page header contained any short of aggregate data.
It's a horrible hack, but it gets the job done until I can move to a better reporting platform.