Alright, what I ended up doing was creating a 3D cursor, bypassing the distortion matrix entirely.
I placed a gameobject at the same place as the "head" (between left eye and right eye cameras). It has a script on it that rotates up/down/left/right based on mouse movement. I then temporarily put a spot light with a narrow cone and high intensity on it so it looked like a laser pointer. I figured if the light is hitting things, so should a raycast of the same origin. Which ended up working.
However this didn't really solve the issue of using a cursor. I tried a number of things that ultimately didn't work (didn't line up with with where the light/raycast hit).
Finally I realized I was overlooking something very simple. I lowered the near clipping plane of the cameras and placed a plane as close as I could to the camera while still being visible. I then rotated it on local y by 180 so it would be invisible to the cameras and not block ray casts.
I then added some code so that when a raycast hit something, it would fire a second raycast from the hit point back to the origin. On the way it would have to hit the plane, which was essentially at the near clipping plane. I would then move my 3D cursor to that hit point.
Now it works as intended. Where the cursor is, is where the original raycast hit. The cursor now matched the position of the laser dot. So then I removed the light component. Done.
Hope this helps someone else someday.