Why don't you just draw stuff just like in normal tile based games, and then rotate the camera with a 45degree? Of course then you'd need to make your graphics a bit odd, but would be easier to handle the tiles.
But if you prefer your way, then I'd suggest using simple math to calculate the "tile to the right", "tile to the left" , "tile to the up" and "tile to the down" ones, you know, the tiles around the player(or another tile). You can simply work with your lists, and with some math, basic math, like getting the next tile, is quite simple.
Edit:
You could get the player's next position's tile value with a code something like this:
tileMap[Math.Floor((player.y+playerVelociy.Y)/tileHeight)]
[Math.Floor((player.x+playerVelocity.X)/tileWidth)]
In this code, I assume that the first tile is at 0,0 and you're drawing to right and down. (If not, then just change the Math.Floor to Math.Ceil)
THIS link could help you get the idea, however it's in AS3.0, only the syntax is different.