I wasn't able to preload all my data, but I just discovered the glory of dojo/aspect. Now I find the parent item that needs expanded and I just build some code inside an aspect/after block that gets executed as soon as that row is finished expanding/loading:
aspect.after(grid, "expand", function (target, expand) {
var row = grid.row(id);
console.info("found row: ", row)
grid.bodyNode.scrollTop = row.element.offsetTop;
grid.clearSelection();
grid.select(row);
},
true);
grid.expand(item.id, true);