This does the trick:
CREATE PROCEDURE insertToonOneShot(IN locale CHAR(2), IN name VARCHAR(16), IN realm VARCHAR(24), IN faction CHAR(1), IN toon_level INT, IN class_name VARCHAR(12))
BEGIN
SELECT @realmID := id FROM realms WHERE realms.name = realm;
SELECT @classID := id FROM classes WHERE classes.name = class_name;
SELECT @toonID := id FROM toon WHERE toon.name = name AND toon.realm_id = @realmID;
IF NOT @realmID IS NULL AND NOT @classID IS NULL AND @toonID IS NULL
THEN
INSERT INTO toon (`locale`, `name`, `class_id`, `realm_id`, `faction`, `level`)
VALUES (locale, name, @classID, @realmID, faction, toon_level);
END IF;
END;
//
Apparently the declare statements were not required... Who would have known?
Thanks to Gordon Linoff for pointing me in the right direction.